I’m trying to think of something really good and catchy to write about but I’m way to boring...boo!!!

‘It’s always better to marry someone who loves you more than you love them’

That was just said on Sex and the City and it’s both true and frightening to think that perhaps people do think that way when they do find someone to spend the rest of their life with.

It makes me ask these questions...

• Wouldn’t that be classed as settling?
• Wouldn’t that mean you wouldn’t be 100% happy because you were not wholeheartedly in love?
• How many people have settled?
• Do the people that ‘love more’ know that they are with someone that doesn’t love them as much?
• Would you know if your ‘other half’ didn’t love you as much as you love them?
• These people that settle, do they fake the love? Do they make out they love as much as their partner does and if they do are they not exhausted from all the ‘acting’?
• Do those people that settle look at friends with mutual love and wish they had that?
• What makes people settle?
• Why wouldn’t someone wait until they find someone they love as much as that love is returned?
• Most marriages end in divorce so is settling a way of coping with the possibility that divorce might happen and if you’re not 100% invested you won’t be too crushed if or when it ends?
• Do so many marriages end because there is one partner more in love with the other?
• In the end, does the one that loves more walk away from their partner because they don’t feel the love? For a while, I’m sure they did but eventually it will be obvious there wasn’t mutual love on the same level.

And the big question it brings up for me is...

• Could I settle for that kind of love or life-long commitment with someone?

I want to say that I wouldn’t settle or that I wouldn’t want to be with someone that doesn’t love me as much as I love them but the truth is I think I probably would.

Who would have it worse...

The person who gets to love someone so much and show that love but not get it back in the same measure?

or

The person that gets all this love showered on them but not feel you deserve because you don’t/can’t return that level of love?

I don’t know which is worse. I think the person giving all the love, if they are that much in love they probably won’t even notice they are not getting as much love back because they are ‘blinded’ by love. In time I would imagine that would fade and perhaps they would feel cheated but in the moment during the ‘good years’ I’m sure they wouldn’t notice something wasn’t ‘quite right’.

Depending on the reason behind the ‘settling’, that person over time would be filled with guilt, perhaps even shame that they are getting so much love and attention from one person and they are only returning a fraction of what they are receiving. That kind of thing, while good and I’d imagine an ego boost would surely, in time, just leave you feeling hollow and empty inside?!

When things start going wrong. I’m not saying they always will, I’m sure there are many marriages that have lasted but for some there will come a time when the love isn’t are forth coming. The person that settled how would they react to that? Do they confront and ask why with the fear that they may be confronted with their lack of love commitment?

In the end...who is more likely to end it? I think it’s more likely to be the person who loves more. I think they are more likely to ‘be picked up’. I think they are more likely to realise something isn’t right. I think they are more likely to find someone else. If they meet someone and there is mutual respect, friendship and if they realise their friend is loving them and they get to feel what that really feels like, well they’re more likely to leave for the real thing than stay with someone they love but doesn’t return it.

If that happens I wonder if the person wonders how/why they stayed with someone so long when now, in hindsight, they were never loved the way they thought they were.

I think the person that settles is more likely to have an affair, mindless, meaningless and emotionless sex. They are loved but over time do they forget to even show what love they used too? They are so loved I doubt they will see things are wrong until it’s too late. They are the people that will push their partner away until it’s impossible to save what they had and when that happens...

Do they finally realise what they have lost?

And if they do, how do they react? Lost? Surprised? Sad? Hollow? I would imagine that by the time that happened they would be so withdrawn and without real emotion that it would hit them harder than it would their partner if they had ended things.

I’ve been screwed over in my last two serious relationships. Being promised the world. The word love being bounced around and with enough ‘feeling’ that I actually believed the ‘forever’s’ and all the other bullshit.

So my closing question is...

How do you know or how can you be sure someone loves you as much as you love them?

I don't think you ever really do - you just settle ;)

Actually, it's very UNsettling - and a very common way of looking at relationships.
It isn't love if it can be thought of in that way. It's insecure convenience.
See http://hermetic.blog.com

hello! i got attracted with the title of your blog Girl, Interrupted (one of my fave movies, BTW) and i have some views on these topic...

‘It’s always better to marry someone who loves you more than you love them’ - my answer to this is YES...

It makes me ask these questions...

* Wouldn’t that be classed as settling? Settling is not just about getting married. it can also be two person living together for a common purpose - to live in unity. we mean settling as living in peace...or trying to live in peace.

* Wouldn’t that mean you wouldn’t be 100% happy because you were not wholeheartedly in love?

Allow me to say this...women tend to love somebody who loves them especially if the guy is really smitten over you and you kind of like the guy...in the end, you'll find yourself falling inlove. Admit it or not, we are susceptible to such human frailty of falling inlove easily.

* How many people have settled? This question..better ask the census...minus those who live together.

* Do the people that ‘love more’ know that they are with someone that doesn’t love them as much?

I think its always been the case since a person who is inlove sometimes doubt the other person's capacity to love him/her. Like with your two relationships, you love them both, and don't you always wonder if they love you back? This occurs certainly in relationships where you are in doubt and does not totally trust the other person.

* Would you know if your ‘other half’ didn’t love you as much as you love them?
I guess this is the same question as above but now with the married couple. Relationships, especially married ones, have the tendency to outgrow the love for each other...but if there's friendship, consideration, trust and understanding...along the way they will find to love each other again and again. You see, marriage is a process and its not an instant satisfaction, it requires commitment and if you cannot fully