Tonight I was supposed to go to the cinema with one of the guys from work...I was too tired though. Although I was going to meet...the ex! That would have been for an hour or so but it got cancelled...it was kinda pointless going to meet in town on a Saturday night! We’ll meet tomorrow night. We text the other night and she finally told me why we really broke up. It’s helped a lot. I was still feeling so much hurt and a lot of anger. I do still love her. That hasn’t changed. Whether I can see us getting back together again, I don’t know. We’ve kinda talked about it but in reality the ex is still unsure about what she wants and I’m not sure at all that I’d be able to be comfortable being back in a relationship with her...she’s lovely and when things were good, they were REALLY good but I’m not sure how I’d be able to trust her with my heart again. The thought of getting back with her, even after everything, is heart-warming but I still have alarm bells going off...the one thing that I know...she’s back until Wednesday and I we will not be back together by then if that is what is perhaps going through her mind. We’re only really back on speaking terms and we’ve still got the first meeting to happen so I think it’s better we just get to know each other again. Next time she’s down if everything is still going well we can perhaps talk about getting back together. I keep saying I won’t rush into this or that...I have to be strong with this. I keep thinking about what lead her to get in touch and talk to me about what was going on with her and the break-up...she thought I was going on a date with another girl! The comments she was talking about where posted on my bebo 2weeks ago...she never liked the attention the girl was paying me and overreacted. I keep thinking if that hadn’t happened, if she hadn’t been on my bebo then the other night ‘talking’ wouldn’t have happened. So was it just a knee-jerk reaction? Is it just she doesn’t want me but she’s not ready for anyone else to have me either? I’ll bring it up with her tomorrow night. I want to know that her being in touch is because she wants it and not because she’s jealous or because she’s not ready for me to move on or perhaps she just didn’t want me and this other girl to hook up...although for the record that wasn’t a date that I was going on with the other girl. If the ex can keep this level of openness and honesty then maybe we can have a friendship...I just need her to be a little more reliable and to stop saying one thing and then doing another...that’s my biggest problem with her...that’s another thing I’ll be bringing up tomorrow night.

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